This year is going by so fast! It has been a year of profound change and I have to say excruciating adjustment. When I think of it all, my mind likens it to the snap, crackle and pop of a chiropractic adjustment, only of the heart instead of the spine. And like any adjustment, sometimes there is discomfort before relief, but relief does come eventually...
I have come to realize that I've held some limiting beliefs long-term, and they have caused me much grief. Along with this realization comes regret and sorrow, and they will be my companions for a time. I already know though that I will move beyond them to a state of increased wisdom and growth at some point in the future. It's who I am. I am resilient, optimistic, hopeful. More importantly, it's who He is.
God is hope, my hope. He has a way of getting my attention, and I don't make it easy. Early this year while I was many miles from home I sat in a pew in the church of a friend. The preacher spoke about God's love being unconditional. It wasn't the first time I'd heard a message like that, but it was the first time I believed it, really believed it.
Up to that very moment I had always tried to earn love, even God's love. I was a pleaser who believed everything was contingent upon her actions, her performance. But God wanted to give me something for free-absolutely free. Through harsh lessons in this world I had learned that nothing was truly free. You have to pay for everything you get-accept God. He wanted me to get that, down deep.
The best part is knowing I don't have to be perfect. I never, ever could have been. There was a tremendous strain in trying, and failing, and trying again. It took a toll and it took time, years from me. There is absolutely no joy in striving to earn that which is already offered for free. The joy is in learning how to receive, how to graciously receive.
