Tuesday, November 15, 2022
If I Were Brave Enough I Would...
Friday, July 22, 2022
Jolene's Maiden Voyage
So this past May I took my first road trip in my 2019 Jeep Cherokee, affectionately dubbed "Jolene" by my two adventurous, creative and totally amazing grown daughters. Naming our vehicles is a three generation tradition begun by my mom decades ago.
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Just Me
I have struggled to figure out what direction to take with this blog, with what "theme" to focus on. I am a woman of many passions, and a long time (a really, really long time) student in the school of life. During this life I have learned many lessons that, if I were to admit it now, I wouldn't trade for anything. So it occurred to me that my blog should be the place to share who I am and what I've learned with you. My hope in doing so is to encourage and offer insight, maybe help solve a problem or even make you smile or laugh!
I turned 60 this past March, and many people have asked me how I feel about it. Well I feel great! Not that I don't have my share of health issues that go with this stage of life, or that I don't have sorrow at times, or grief from the inevitable losses that come along...but life is so much more than the hardships and heartbreaks. It is rich, and precious.
Stay with me...I'm no Pollyanna! I'm not going to tell you how you should always think positive, and pretend not to feel bad when circumstances are anything but bad. I only want to tell you that I've learned to appreciate how great it is to be alive, even when I get hurt or disappointed; and that life is great even when someone I love dies, which has happened more times than I want to remember.
Previously I spent years feeling sorry for myself because it seemed that one "bad" thing happened after another. I remember being asked many years ago what my idea of happiness was, and I promptly answered, "when there are no problems in my life!" The thing is problems will come and if I can only be happy when there aren't any then I'll never, ever be happy. What a thought!
The trick for me is not to let the problems that come along color everything in my life with shades of grey. I used to do that, and it made me think, I'm just an unhappy person, but that's not true. I don't believe that. That was other people's words.
It has taken a long time to get to the truth of me, and I am a happy person. I love the scent of lilacs in the spring, I thoroughly enjoy my first cup of coffee in the morning, and I am fortunate to be able to feel love, and to give it, whether it is reciprocated or not. That makes me a happy person.
Wednesday, April 20, 2022
Abuse Widow
Disclaimer: The following is my experience and it no way means to minimize the loss, by death, of a beloved spouse. If you have experienced that my sincere condolences go out to you.
how his words, his cruelty wounded you, made you feel unloved, unworthy and small.
I too have cried in the middle of the day, in the middle
of a conversation, in the middle of trying to do my job. To onlookers, there was no apparent reason
for my outburst of sorrow, but all it takes is one thought, one memory, to
trigger the flow of tears for all that is gone.
If I tried to hold them back, my stomach began to churn, and a large lump
would form in my throat until I gave in to the inevitable release. There is no dignity in this grief. And when that grief is caused not by death,
not physical death anyway, there is no consistent remedy offered or available
to the grieving. I lost my home, the family I had loved for more than half of my life, my church and many friends.
There were no sympathy cards.
There were no flowers. No one
brings food or sits with you, holding your hand or your limp, numb body in
their arms of comfort. There is just a
paper document stating life as you knew it, is over, it is dead... and judgement. No CPR can revive the life you thought you
had, the life you worked so hard to build and make work.
It's okay to grieve. It’s
okay to feel angry, and it’s okay to cry...
for all of the injustices, betrayals, and gossip.
You will overcome this. And you
are not alone.
Sunday, February 13, 2022
Hands
Monday, February 7, 2022
Just Another Day
I woke up that morning not feeling “right.” For someone who generally wakes up with a smile on her face, feeling so melancholy was very strange. I felt like I was choking back tears for no apparent reason, although outbursts of tears still came and went...this was not that.