Disclaimer: The following is my experience and it no way means to minimize the loss, by death, of a beloved spouse. If you have experienced that my sincere condolences go out to you.
how his words, his cruelty wounded you, made you feel unloved, unworthy and small.
I too have cried in the middle of the day, in the middle
of a conversation, in the middle of trying to do my job. To onlookers, there was no apparent reason
for my outburst of sorrow, but all it takes is one thought, one memory, to
trigger the flow of tears for all that is gone.
If I tried to hold them back, my stomach began to churn, and a large lump
would form in my throat until I gave in to the inevitable release. There is no dignity in this grief. And when that grief is caused not by death,
not physical death anyway, there is no consistent remedy offered or available
to the grieving. I lost my home, the family I had loved for more than half of my life, my church and many friends.
There were no sympathy cards.
There were no flowers. No one
brings food or sits with you, holding your hand or your limp, numb body in
their arms of comfort. There is just a
paper document stating life as you knew it, is over, it is dead... and judgement. No CPR can revive the life you thought you
had, the life you worked so hard to build and make work.
It's okay to grieve. It’s
okay to feel angry, and it’s okay to cry...
for all of the injustices, betrayals, and gossip.
You will overcome this. And you
are not alone.