Grief Relief

It seems that there's a pill for everything these days, and in some cases it helps to alleviate pain and suffering.  Other times however, there is no chemical or man-made remedy that can even begin to touch the depth of one's anguish. 
Please don't misunderstand me.  I have friends that were prescribed sedatives immediately following the deaths of spouses, children or other close loved ones.  Their pain was so acute that even an hours rest was impossible to achieve without some sort of assistance; and rest, sleep, is the only thing that takes the pain away really. 
They were all admonished that this was just a temporary fix, and to only use it for the first few days.  And it did help them to get through that paralyzing, grueling initial phase of the loss, but that was just the beginning of a long, difficult journey to recovery-yes recovery.
I myself lost my mother during my first pregnancy, and because of my condition could not partake of any "chemical relief."  The blow that her death dealt me was an emotional wound like no other I'd ever experienced up to that point.  And like any other wound, I would need to recover from it too.  Eventually the scar would be incorporated into my life and I would go on, fully functioning, fully living, but not for a surprisingly long time.
What got me through was people.  People and time, their time.  Dear friends were at my side as much as was humanly possible for weeks, and even months.  We don't, we can't get through the loss of a loved one by ourselves, although we try.  Sometimes we have no choice and that's sad.  People don't have time to give, but how else can we show we really care? 
Weeks and months later when the cards stop coming, the food is long gone and the flowers have died we feel forgotten.  Being there, listening, giving our time is what will make the bereaved feel cared for still, and ultimately carry them on to recovery.

Spring Sunshine on Ontario Pathways

The Season I'm In

The calendar says it's spring, and has been for several weeks now, but the evidence hasn't been consistent with that fact this year.  It's been rather cold this spring, and there was snow on the ground the other day!  However, the leaves are green, flower bulbs have sprung up out of the ground, and the feeling that it's spring has awakened.  Everything in nature is new in the spring.
I think we get a sense of this in life too, especially if you live in a colder climate.  We tend to "shut down" somewhat during winter because many of the things we enjoy in the warmer weather we can't do when it's cold.  And parks and services are closed in the off-season.
I rather envy people that participate in winter sports and activities because they are able to stay more active throughout the year.  I, however, am not a fan of the cold so I am relegated to the inside for half the year.  I have taken up swimming in our high school pool which has been very enjoyable and has helped me feel stronger physically, and less prone to the winter "blues."
This past year I decided to utilize the seasonal down-time for growth and reflection, so I set out to read some new books.  Non-fiction is my favorite genre, including memoir and self-help books.  I have to admit that this became addictive, as my list of book purchases on my amazon account kept growing!  My wish list is absurdly long too, but there are worse vices than reading books.
I have learned a great deal from these volumes and am striving to incorporate the wisdom gleaned into my daily life.  It has been helpful to face life's inevitable challenges armed with more or newer insights than before.  The knowledge gained from others' experience can serve to minimize or alleviate many potential complications.
I've also learned of late that it's okay to ask for help or feedback from people I trust; people who won't disown me if I don't follow their advice.  It's during hard times that you find out who your friends really are.  Real friends are there throughout the gray winter, and get to rejoice with you in the spring.

Never Too Late

Last fall I wrote a play for a contest sponsored by Writer's & Books and Geva Theater here in Rochester, NY. I'd never written a play before but thought it might be fun. The most difficult part of the project was settling on an idea to write about. The rest just fell into place as I chose something that was dear to my heart. I chose to write about following a dream, and never giving up.

I finished the play and submitted it just before the deadline, almost deciding a number of times to forget about it because I figured it would be long shot anyway. But I decided to take my own advice and give it a try. I was shocked to get the news that it had been chosen as one of ten that would be performed! Let me say, I was also delighted. And seeing it come to life was a wonderful experience that I'll never forget.

Below is a link to the video of the performance. My hope is that it will "speak" to you and encourage you. I'm living proof that it's never too late to follow your dreams!

Click here to watch the play :)

Tranquility

As I reflect on some enjoyable moments of 2011, the late summer excursion to Sonnenberg Gardens in Canandaigua, NY comes to mind. In all my years of living in the Finger Lakes I had never visited there before. The photo above shows the walking bridge in the Japanese section of the garden. I really liked this area because of the pond and stream that is incorporated into it, and I always find water very soothing.
Although we live in a very fast-paced society, there are numerous places we can go to find tranquility. And many of them don't cost a cent. I was drawn to Sonnenberg that summer evening because there was going to be a jazz ensemble playing outside on the porch of the mansion. I have to say, it was an excellent decision! The music was delightful, and the grounds were absolutely breathtaking. Needless to say, the exposure button on my camera was clicking almost non-stop! Every time I turned around there was another striking image to capture.
In the past I have been guilty of putting activities like this off indefinately, trading them instead for household chores or other responsibilities. I've been pretty practical when it came to how to spend my time. I feel as though I have been oblivious to so many things that make life truly worth living, and guilty of taking them for granted. In the latter half of my life however, I resolve to spend my time in ways that feed my soul and give me satisfaction and joy.

What You Hear Is What You Get, And Keep

Several months ago an acquaintance told me of a tragic, horrific child abuse story that was plastered across the internet news. The things that were perpetrated against this innocent child were disgusting, unspeakable acts.
I responded by saying I did not like to hear of such things, because you can't unhear something once it enters your brain. And this was something I most definitely did not want in me. I know we need to know what's going on in the world. I know I'm not supposed to bury my proverbial "head in the sand." But sometimes it gets to be a little too much.
Consider for a moment what we are subjected to every single day with 24-7 information available. Every time we read, listen to or view a story about some terrible crime we are witnessing it in a very real sense, just like an actual physical witness. We are virtually "in the room" watching the crime happen, only we can't do anything about it. Are we voyeurs? Do we enjoy this sort of thing?
Personally, I don't want to see, hear or otherwise experience these kinds of things. When I see or hear of a child being beaten, a woman being raped or an elderly person being victimized, I get upset! Very upset! A lot of us are getting upset, even traumatized by "witnessing" dozens (or more) terrible acts against humanity every day. Problem is, none of us is getting any kind of support for this-because we're not considered real witnesses! It's not real.
For compassionate people, it's like literally carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders! Instead of just the local newspaper dishing out the bad, worse and worst behavior being acted out, it's the "net" disseminating all of the above from around the globe! I won't even mention examples of what people are doing to eachother because we all have plenty of examples inside our souls already. But it's ugly people, really ugly. And I don't know about you, but it makes me a very angry person, and very sad. Sad for the state we're finding ourselves in.
Then there's the question, are people commiting more acts of violence or are we just more aware of them because of the modern ubiquitousness of information? People will probably be arguing about this question until hell freezes over, but the fact is these things are going on, and we are all right smack in the middle of it. Like it or not. And the view from where I stand isn't pretty.

Dining "Al Fresco"

My four-year-old great-nephew, Anthony, brought this bird feeder to my house last summer and insisted that we hang it on the crab-apple tree outside the sun-room in the back yard. I have to say, I can't remember the last time I had a bird feeder. Never thought much about it. I have enjoyed seeing Hummingbirds flitting around my coral-bells many times though. So I thought, what the heck?
At Anthony's behest, he and my husband went to the garage to find something to hang the feeder with. The two of them returned with some wire, a pair of pliers and a whole lot of determination. And viola! There was now a bird feeder at the Jansen homestead!
The two of them found a spot that offered an unobstructed view from my favorite wicker chair and got it arranged just so. Of course I had to test the view-and it was perfect!
I have had more fun watching and photographing a variety of birds stopping by to feed. The best part is that I wouldn't have bothered hanging a feeder for myself!

Observations

I wish I could say that I'm shocked at the daily headlines lately, but sadly, I am not. I have been observing the changes in people's attitudes for decades now. More and more I am coming to the conclusion that our society is reaching critical levels of apathy, selfishness and complete disregard for anyone or anything outside of "self." Add to that widespread mental and physical laziness, inability to think without the crutch of technology, and broken educational and judicial systems and what do you get? A mess.
According to Merriam-Webster's, the word "society" means: (2) "a voluntary association of individuals for common ends," (3a) "an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another."
Likewise the word "community" means: (1a) "unified body of individuals: as (e) "a group linked by a common policy."
As far as I understand, it is impossible to have a properly functioning AND mutually beneficial society or community without the elements of common courtesy, accountability and respect for oneself and others. Those things seem to be dwindling before our eyes, making our society very dysfunctional indeed.
Accountability is of utmost importance if we are to have any semblance of safety and peace of mind. Unfortunately from the courthouse to the schoolyard and everywhere in-between, people are not held accountable for their actions. As a result we have acts of horrific violence being perpetrated by offenders who are barely out of diapers!
I wish I could offer a "national" suggestion for improvement, but I'm afraid my resolution is much more diminutive than that. It starts with calling a wrong a wrong, and if someone needs a little (or a lot) of help with that, we as a society of supposedly civilized people should help them-and stop "looking the other way."

Reconstruction

As I usually do when I'm out of the house at night, I phoned home last evening to tell my husband I was heading back from Rochester. He was happy to report that they had paved the street so I could park in front of our house. Not in my driveway mind you, but at least on the street in front.

There has been a "reconstruction" project going on on our street for over a month now, and for the last week and a half we have had to park on surrounding streets around the block. UGH! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for civic progress. Never mind the constant clouds of dust, the noise and having to trudge through ankle-deep puddles (did I mention they ripped out the sidewalks too?)

It's not the worst inconvenience in the world, unless you forget the insignificant fact that your car is parked a block away and your trunk is loaded with 13 bags of groceries, four jugs of laundry detergent and one case of bottled water!

Maybe next week they'll have the driveway level with the new curbs so I will be able to pull into it. In western New York we may have snow before then.

Won't that be fun?

House Beautiful-NOT!

I just opened and sorted through about three weeks worth of mail. I've been traveling a lot this year and had a house-guest for two weeks last month. Having company in the house was no trouble at all, it's just that I spent all my free time visiting instead of keeping up with silly things like cleaning house, opening mail (mostly bills) and the like.
For most of my adult life I have spent my waking hours striving to create, and then maintain a clean, beautiful house. Notice the word choice striving, not achieving. However the task of living itself is completely opposed to any shape or form of order in the home.
Lately I have been blessed with the company of some wonderful, long-lost friends and in order to carve out time for them I knew that something had to give. Guess what that something was? There are only so many hours in a day and it can be very tricky choosing how to spend them. When I was younger I almost had myself believing if I pushed myself hard enough I may be able to squeeze more time out of a day! I never would admit to being tired either.
Nowadays the tables have turned and I will gladly admit it. The thing I still struggle most with is knowing when to stop. I'll admit I'm tired for sure, but I'll keep going, and going, and going...until I drop usually. I now know there are only 24 hours in each day, but I don't have to like it.